What's your "coworker didn't lock screen" procedure?

8 points by vonunov 1 month ago | 29 comments
1. Screenshot the desktop

2. Make it the wallpaper

3. Hide icons

4. Autohide the taskbar and move it to the top

5. win+R "control mouse", cursor size all the way up, cursor speed all the way down, mouse trails all the way up

6. ctrl-alt-down

  • mindcrime 1 month ago
    1) keep walking and go about my business

    BUT... back in the day when I engaged in juvenile pranks of this nature, I'd just open their email program, start a new email, put the CEO's email address in the TO field, and type "I resign" or something in the body, and then just walk away.

    • dcminter 1 month ago
      Like many others I don't do that.

      Firstly it's low grade bullying. That may not be how you mean it, but you're not on the receiving end. Bullies often don't think they're bullies.

      Secondly it normalises a third party using your computer. "Oh I was just pranking Jim" - sure, but were you? Or were you also granting yourself some privileges using Jim's authority? Who knows.

      If you have zero tolerance for unlocked machines you should have zero tolerance for this too.

      Yes, it's not that big a deal, and yes, I'm the kind of spoilsport who doesn't really like pranks at all. But still, cut it out.

      • vonunov 1 month ago
        Lol, I forgot I posted this.

        Of course I don't run around actually causing work stoppage for my teammates, but "What do you fantasize about doing to your coworkers' computers when they forget to lock them that would be really funny if they didn't have stuff to get done" wouldn't have been quite as punchy.

      • mtmail 1 month ago
        You don't want to be known in the office as the person messing with coworker's computers. Next time a computer acts weird, a file is missing or settings changed they'll blame you.
        • HenryBemis 1 month ago
          Best/fun case: when I was contracting some years ago, if you had your laptop unlock someone would send an email to the project team "coffees are on me! let's pick them up after lunch", and they would pay (but everyone's daily rate was multiple hundreds of GBP per day, and that would pass as 'expense' so the total 40-50 pounds didn't hurt much).

          Worse case: (same company) someone send an email to all infra team (including the VP) that "I'm stupid and I don't lock my laptop". That guy (the 'funny' one) was kicked out of the project/contract/building within the hour.

          My friendly advice, lock it for them, when you see them again take them on the side and tel then "hey dude, lock that damn thing" and move on with your life.

          • neilsimp1 1 month ago
            I've never worked in a place where this sort of thing would have been tolerated. In high school, sure. But not the workplace.

            Sorry past me - I'm boring now.

            • tt_dev 1 month ago
              Great thread, hopefully some of us are still young and can provide an entertaining response
            • ferguess_k 1 month ago
              I actually walked away a few times with my screen on and hoped someone did a prank on me. Never happened!
              • vonunov 1 month ago
                Bummer! I spent years across different jobs with a post-it note stuck to the bottom of my keyboard that said "hunter2" on it, and I never got any post-security-audit remarks on it, not once! :<
              • wojciii 1 month ago
                Nothing. Touching another persons computer is not acceptable.

                I would complain to HR if anyone did something to mine ..

                • axegon_ 1 month ago
                  None but the best story I have is from around a decade ago - a guy did not lock his screen and had his facebook opened. His manager changed his birthday to the current day. The best part is when his aunt wished him a happy birthday.
                  • muzani 1 month ago
                    If someone says "Help, I'm stuck in the bathroom!" on social media, it means they forgot to lock their screen.
                    • vonunov 1 month ago
                      Now that's good clean, uh, well, that's good fun!
                    • giantg2 1 month ago
                      Pretty sure I'd get fired if I did anything with unauthorized access to someone else's machine. They might too.
                      • muzani 1 month ago
                        The idea is that unlocked screens are a security liability. If someone can read your Slack or send emails, they can download credentials, drop tables, etc.

                        Firing is a little extreme. We just embarrass people to remind them. Also if it's a safe place – in an office meeting room or something, we're unlikely to do it, but if it's in a co-working space, it's fair game.

                        • vonunov 1 month ago
                          Yes, that is the idea. I'm not suggesting that this is a thing anyone should take it upon themselves to do when it's not a practice established in that context. I have had one job I remember, maybe one more I don't, where a certain range of actions that weren't destructive to data or revenue were sanctioned to that end by our immediate levels of management. If that's not the case, though, this should be only a what-if fantasy to indulge in, of course.
                          • giantg2 1 month ago
                            For unlocked stuff, it would just be a warning. But if you did any of the prank stuff with an unlocked computer they're talking about, firing is an option (in a regulated industry such as finance).
                        • Stoo 1 month ago
                          It used to be update keyboard language and watch as they tried to figure out what was going on. These days I walk on by.
                          • glawre 1 month ago
                            Back when I worked at a consulting and MSP place this was taken pretty seriously as it violated some kind of standards we’d signed ourselves up to. Security would also happily pickup your laptop and take it away if it wasn’t Kensington locked to the desk.
                            • deangiberson 1 month ago
                              Send out an I love My Little Ponies email to the whole organization. An old tradition.
                              • khedoros1 1 month ago
                                I did that kind of thing a couple times in college, and basically got it out of my system.
                                • P-Nuts 1 month ago
                                  Add a comment somewhere in the middle of the code they’re working on saying /* I should always remember to lock my computer */ and amend their current commit. Maybe they’ll spot it, maybe code review will notice, maybe not.
                                  • yen223 1 month ago
                                    Posting "Drinks are on me!" on Slack

                                    This is the penalty for being lax with security

                                    • exlurker 1 month ago
                                      https://fakeupdate.net is a good one: fake windows update screens. Successful head-scratching a few times!
                                      • bigyabai 1 month ago
                                        I'm a prude, so I get my coffee and go back to work.
                                        • cranberryturkey 1 month ago
                                          back in 2004 at paypal we used to call them "burns" where people would send out a department email from your computer with a joke message, something like "Sam thanks for submitting that code...I would like to buy you flowers! -- Love, Anthony"
                                          • LarryMade2 1 month ago
                                            Install Windows 11 for them.
                                            • zippyman55 1 month ago
                                              Back in the 1980’s there was an automatic invitation to the user’s hosted party at their house.